you say goodbye i say hello

Today is the first day that all my kids are in school full-time. 8:30am-2:30pm. They have slowly eased the boys into preschool by adding an hour each day. I purposely didn't plan anything today. I'm afraid I'm going to waste the entire day doing nothing. Maybe I'll listen to NPR. Sky dive. Make blueberry pancakes. Buy a pair of jeans. Shoes. I'm in a weird place. Full of contradictions. I'm thrilled they are gone and that I'm over that part of my life. This is one step closer to them growing up and moving out. For forever! But at the same time, I miss them already. I want it all back. Do it again. They watched too much TV. They annoyed me too much. Their tiny hands. The picnics. Today is the start to a new normal and I don't know what it's gong to take to actually feel normal. I've listened Hello, Goodbye by the Beatles three times while writing this post. It's exactly how I feel today. One contradiction after another. The party at the end of the video. Everyone waving and smiling. Kicking! Hula dancing. Exactly. I'll play it one more time and get myself together. It's so quiet as soon as the song is over.