Rob's Bathroom Story

I went to the open mic night thing on Tuesday night. Something got messed up and I didn't get a a time slot. I'm glad I didn't because I sat through the show and got a feel for the audience. What I was going to read wouldn't have gone over well. Good news is I have a guaranteed spot next week. If it goes ok, I think I could get addicted to this sort of thing. It would definitely push me to write more thoughtful pieces. I'll keep you posted. In the mean time, as promised, here's Rob's most embarrassing bathroom story . . .

i am smiling. 

A few days ago Sharon posted this story about an embarrassing incident that happened to me in a Taco Bell bathroom. At the end of the post, I mentioned that it wasn’t the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me in a restaurant restroom, this was …



My senior year in high school I went on a road trip for spring break with some of my best guy friends. We drove down to San Diego with a couple of surfboards (pretending to be surfers) looking for girls that wanted to make-out.

When we arrived in San Diego we stopped in at some taco shop and I went to use the restroom. As I was going pee (standing-up) my buddy Scott snuck up behind. He pushed me in the back and held me against the urinal. I can’t explain exactly how it feels to have your wiener pressed up against the porcelain of a urinal with water running down it, so I’ll just say it was gross. He held me there for a bit as I screamed and then finally let me go. We both laughed about it and went back to lunch like nothing happened.

The week went by and we had a great time filled with a number of dumb teenage pranks. On our way back to the Bay Area we stopped in at a Denny’s for breakfast. It was about 5:00 AM and we all piled into a corner booth. I ordered my favorite “moons over my hammy” and went to take a leak.

When I heard the door open behind me, I got ready. I stood at the urinal and waited for one of my friends to approach me from behind. When I was certain one of them was standing directly behind me, I turned around and with my manhood in hand I started pissing.

It wasn’t one of my friends. It was some random Denny’s employee that had come in to clean the bathroom. He was holding a broom and a dustpan and he was in shock. He didn’t say a word. He just started at me as if he was unable to process what had just happened. I was mortified.

I shoved my wiener back into my underwear as fast as I could and ran for the door. The entire incident happened so quickly that I hadn’t finished urinating and I continued peeing in my pants as I ran out. I thought about going to back to my table for my food but I couldn’t risk seeing that guy again, so I went straight to the car.

Can you imagine going to work at 5:00 AM to clean a bathroom, probably making minimum wage and some random stranger turns around and pees on you? To this day I feel really bad about the whole thing. I wish I could get the look on his face out of my memory.